Mass Effect 2: Changes
by HotMezoti
Summary: Shepard discovers she has real feelings for Garrus, how will he respond? Nothing ever goes to plan for Shepard. Lemony content. All characters owned by Bioware.
1. Chapter 1

Shepard leaned her head against the wall of the shuttle, watching Jack pace back and forth, alternately looking out the window and shooting glares at Garrus and Miranda.

Garrus caught a glance at Shepard who rolled her eyes at him. He stifled a laugh with a cough. Miranda turned her head quickly towards him. The tension between Miranda and Jack was palpable. Finally they landed on the Normandy and Jack jumped off as soon as the shuttle doors opened.

Shepard called after her, "There are a few places you can bunk-"

Jack cut her off, "I'll find my own place, thanks."

Miranda shook her head, stepping off the shuttle in the cargo bay. She turned back, "I hope you know what you're doing, Shepard." She quickly stepped off and went towards the elevators.

Shepard smiled wryly at Garrus and sighed.

Garrus was irritated, "The Illusive man is the one who gave you Jack's dossier. Why is she questioning you about it?"

Shepard shrugged. "Don't know. Seems like she's not happy unless she's unhappy."

Garrus laughed.

She looked into his steel-gray eyes and momentarily got lost again in her growing attraction to him. She noticed it, but put it aside. When he'd first been on the SR1 she'd been so caught up with Kaidan, she hadn't seen much past him, but her Turian officer had not escaped her notice even back then.

She smiled over at him as they took the elevator up. Garrus got off on his floor and gave her a slight look over his shoulder. She grinned at him, then as the doors closed, and she made her way up to her quarters, trying to shake her thoughts clear.

Her relationship with Kaidan had pretty much fizzled out before she was spaced. No dramatic scene, no drama. She just started to lose interest in him. She entered her quarters and started taking her armor off. She felt a little guilty that she may have been using him them, taking advantage of his crush on her when she felt death knocking on her door that night before Ilos. The weeks after, when they were tracking down the remaining geth, they had a relationship going, but it didn't feel right to her. There was no passion, no spark any more. The more she got to know him, the more his personality grated on her. The focus of the mission over, she was able to take a more critical look at who he really was. His clinginess, his insecurity, it frustrated her. Give it more time, she was sure she would have broken it off permanently.

Still, she wondered where he was, if he was doing okay. She'd asked Anderson about his whereabouts, but beyond that, she didn't have a strong drive to find him. When she'd gotten on the Normandy SR2, she'd found a pic on her desk of Kaidan, but had deleted it. She finished taking off the last of her armor and put it away. Standing naked and sweaty in her quarters, she brushed her damp hair off her face and walked towards her shower, thinking now about Garrus. She started to entertain thoughts of letting him know she was interested. Watching him almost die had been a wakeup call. This was a second chance for both of them.

Over the next weeks she continued working, building her crew, researching. She felt she was growing closer to Garrus, and maybe that he liked her a little bit as well. They'd always been close, best friends, but it seemed like there was potential for more.

She felt a ping of anxiety when the Illusive man called her in for a debrief on the Horizon mission, and he told her Kaidan was stationed there. Not sure of how he would react, or her own feelings, she was quiet on the ride.

Garrus noticed it. He leaned towards her and said quietly, "You nervous Mordin's measures against the seekers won't work? I'm sure he wouldn't send us in there if he wasn't confident."

She shook her head no. "The Illusive man said Kaidan was stationed on Horizon."

Garrus leaned back and slowly nodded. "I see. You are anxious to see him?"

"Actually, no."

He looked at her, puzzled.

She kept her voice quiet so Jack couldn't hear her. "We were, in a relationship before, you know."

"Yes."

"But, it wasn't working out."

"I never asked you about him, I just assumed you were still trying to find him." Garrus shifted in his seat.

"No, I mean, I hope he's okay, and we shared something back then, but we weren't working out. We weren't right for each other. I didn't like who he was, not for me anyway."

Garrus looked genuinely surprised.

"I'm just, not sure of what we'll find down there. He may not even be there anyway. It just – brings up old memories. That's all."

Garrus patted her leg and she leaned against his shoulder. Soon they were on the planet, and the fight distracted her from all thoughts of Kaidan. The Collector's upgrades to the husks, the convoluted creatures made from human dead were worse than anything they'd faced before. Attempting to get the gun turrets up, she heard Jack mutter, "Holy hell."

They looked up and saw a huge creature shooting lasers at them. "Is that - human heads in its mouth?" Garrus yelled out.

Shepard looked around the corner of a crate. He was right. The horror was never ending.

"Flank it and take it out!" she commanded.

Taking cover, they systematically whittled down its defenses and it looked like they were losing, as she saw Jack on the ground, and Garrus being tracked by the creature. Frantically she looked around and spied some heavy ammo. "Cover me!" she told Garrus over the comm, and quickly reloaded her gun. Prone on the ground, she aimed at the creature and took it out as Garrus unloaded all his ammo on it. Finally it disintegrated. Garrus ran over to Jack and revived her with medigel.

They were almost leveled to the ground from the shockwave when the ship took off. One of the colonists was yelling at her, when a familiar voice sent chills down her neck. She turned.

"Kaidan," she gasped.

"Shepard." He walked up to her, eyeing her critically. He hesitated, then pulled her into a hug.

She hugged him, then pulled back. She was happy to see him, fearing he'd been taken away on the collector ship.

"How have you been?"

He frowned, "How can you ask me that? I thought you were dead. Now you're back after two years asking me how I've been?"

His voice bordering on a screech, Shepard took a deep breath and tried to stay calm.

"It wasn't my choice. I was in a coma for two years. Cerberus rebuilt me. I asked Anderson about you, but he said you were on a top secret mission."

He backed away a few steps. "So the rumors are true? You're working for Cerberus now."

"I'm working with them, not for them."

He smirked and shook his head. "How could you?"

"No one is investigating these colony disappearances out here. How long can we wait while they put together a committee? How many people will disappear? You saw what happened today, I'm on a mission to do something about it now, before it's too late."

Kaidan shook his head, "We had something Shepard, I loved you."

She looked down, unsure what to say, not wanting to have this scene play out in front of Garrus and Jack.

She put her hand to her head, "Kaidan, you know me. I'm only doing this for the right reasons."

To her surprise, Garrus piped up, "You can't see past your own prejudices to see the truth."

Kaidan glared at him. He turned his attention back to Shepard. "I know where my loyalties are. You've betrayed me, betrayed the Alliance. You're a traitor." He turned and quickly walked away as Shepard, shocked, stared open-mouthed at him. Garrus was suddenly at her side, his hand on her shoulder. "Let him go."

She nodded, then turned and called Joker to send the shuttle. The ride back was quiet. As Jack and Garrus left the shuttle, Garrus turned back to see Shepard taking off her helmet and running her gloved hand through her hair.

He leaned a hand against the wall of the shuttle. "Don't let him get to you."

She smiled weakly, "I won't. I was just shocked, that's all," she looked up at him, "He pretty much solidified my feelings for him, though."

He laughed, "That he did."

She stood up and walked over to him, "I thought at least he'd trust me enough to give me a chance to explain."

Garrus nodded, and put his arm around her, leading her out of the shuttle.

"I mean, take you for instance. You were with me almost as long as he was on the SR1. You stayed on the SR2, even after you found out it was a Cerberus, a human-first organization, by the way, ship. Sure, you asked me about it, but you trusted me, and came with me and have been fighting alongside me." She shook her head, "The other crew too. Now you know what I saw in Kaidan that I didn't like."

"Definitely. I guess I'm just a special kind of guy."

"You are to me," she looked up at him and gave him a squeeze.

The next week went by with Shepard able to finally put Kaidan completely behind her. Focusing again on the mission, she was thrilled to bring Tali on board, along with Samara, the Justicar.

She confided her feelings for Garrus to Tali.

"I knew it!" she squealed.

"What? How did you know that?" Shepard said incredulously.

"Well, I always felt some kind of connection between you two, more than just a friendship."

"Oh yea?" Shepard pulled her feet up underneath her and gave Tali her full attention, "You think he likes me that way? I've been kind of thinking so myself. Especially now that he knows Kaidan is out of the picture for good."

"I think he does. It's just a feeling."

Shepard sat back. "I think I'm going to let him know."

The next day they were on Tuchanka, helping Grunt with his rite of passage. It was a tough mission, and seeing Wrex again made Shepard think about how much time has really changed since she was last with her original crew.

Grunt paced on the shuttle triumphantly. "We did it!" he went over and shook Shepard's hand for the hundredth time, "I am proud to be a part of your krant, Shepard."

"It's an honor for me as well, Grunt."

He pumped his fists together, "Yeah!"

Shepard laughed at his enthusiasm, as Garrus grinned at her from across the shuttle. Soon they were back on board and exited into the cargo bay.

Shepard called Garrus back, "Could you help me with my armor?"

"Sure," he said, pulling on the latch until it came free.

"I think the dirt from Tuchanka got in. I'll have to clean it out."

"Well, if you need me to help you undress, just give me a call." He walked over to the elevator.

She called back to him, "I'll keep that in mind." She took off the rest of her armor and left it the cargo bay to clean the dust out later. _Hmm. Maybe I'll go see if Garrus is more than just talk._

In her underarmor, she checked in with Miranda and then made her way to the Armory bay.

"Shepard," he turned as his door opened. "Just checking a few things. I see you got your armor off. You know, I can go clean it up later. I'm almost done with my calibrations."

"That would be great. I've got to write up today's mission report."

"I figured. So, some mission today, huh? Never thought I'd see something like that."

She leaned against the railing by his console. "Me neither. I don't know how I'd make it through this mission without you."

"Fortunately, you won't have to."

She smiled and walked up closer to him. She touched the bandages on the right side of his face. "Does it hurt much?"

"Only when I laugh."

She smiled.

"Seriously though, it's not too bad. Dr. Chakwas said they'd be able to come off in the next few weeks. There will be permanent scarring, though."

Still lightly touching the bandages, she moved her fingers across to the scars. "I don't mind them. I think you look handsome." She turned her gaze to look him in the eye and reached her other hand up around the back of his neck, leaning up to lightly kiss his cheek. She felt his hands reach up and pull her hands down.

"Jane, stop."

She pulled back, looking up at him.

He shook his head, "I can't. We can't go there." He said softly, but firmly.

She let her hands fall down to her sides and backed away. "I – I'm sorry, Garrus. I –" she could feel her emotions overcome her. She cleared her throat and swallowed hard, "I didn't mean to upset you, let's just forget this ever happened."

He nodded and looked at her with concern. She forced a smile and turned, leaving his quarters. As the doors closed behind her, she let the full force of her mortification wash over her. She closed her eyes tightly, clenching her fists. She took a deep breath, opened her eyes and walked quickly across the mess hall and into the elevator up to her quarters.

She really thought he might be interested in a relationship with her. His reaction had taken her completely off guard. She reprimanded herself for not trying a more subtle way of gauging his interest first. She leaned over her desk and let out a long sigh. "Damn." She was disappointed, and now had to think about how to maintain a friendship with him after she'd let him know how she was romantically interested in him.


	2. Chapter 2

After a shower, she steeled herself and went down to the mess hall to get something to eat. Munching on whatever it was the cook made that night, she glanced up and saw Garrus make his way to the kitchen. She felt a jolt of adrenaline in her stomach. She reminded herself to act as normal as possible to not make the situation worse.

She studied her meal, and Miranda sat down next to her.

"Mind if I join you, Commander?"

She shook her head no.

"We have a couple of choices for tomorrow's mission I wanted to go over with you. Is this a bad time?"

"No, not at all, go ahead." She was relived for once, to discuss work on a down time.

She looked at Miranda's datapad and they went over their options.

"I still need to help Kasumi on Bekenstein. That party is day after tomorrow."

Miranda nodded, "I know, I was thinking tomorrow we could try to recruit the assassin. We don't know how long he'll be on Illium. If you go out early, we should have enough time to make it back to get Hock the next day."

Shepard nodded, "Agreed." Out of the corner of her eye she saw Garrus approach. He walked up and sat across from her with his meal at the table. This was their normal routine, they ate together often. Shepard gave him a tentative smile.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Garrus asked.

"No, actually, we're planning out tomorrow's mission. We're thinking of recruiting the assassin on Illium, then the next day I've got to go to Bekenstein." Shepard handed him the datapad. "What do you think?"

"Sounds like a good plan. Am I going along?"

"Of course, you come with me on all my missions." She felt her face turn red, and was frustrated about her lack of control over her blushing.

He didn't seem to notice, but continued. "Excellent. I'm going to go to cargo bay and clean up your armor after I eat. It should only take me an hour or two."

Miranda furrowed her brows, "You clean her armor?"

Garrus looked at her pointedly, "Yes, I do favors like that for my best friend. She's busy getting those reports done for your boss."

"And it is much appreciated," Shepard smiled.

Miranda raised her eyebrows, but continued going over the dossier for the assassin with them. Shepard tried to imagine Miranda cleaning armor for anyone in the crew. She stifled a chuckle. The plan in place, Miranda left, and Shepard and Garrus continued to eat. She hesitated, frantically trying to think of something to say. Should she address the issue? Maybe she shouldn't say anything about it.

"Thanks for taking care of my armor. Yours was okay?" she ate a forkful of salad.

"Yea, that state-of-the art new armor you got me wasn't affected. Plus, the dust on Menae is so fine, that it's pretty much the same. Turian armor is built to withstand it. You know, after the mission tomorrow, we can look around Illium for some new armor for you. It's time you upgraded."

She nodded, "Good idea." She felt relieved. He seemed like his usual self. He wasn't upset about her pass at him. She took a drink and peered over at him. Maybe he was flattered. At least he's taking her request to forget it happened to heart.

They continued to eat and drink and Garrus got up and threw out his trash, stopping by Shepard's table. He patted her shoulder, "I'm going to get to work. I'll catch up to you later."

She nodded. As he left, her relief turned to disappointment, as she realized she had a small hope he would have said he really did want to be with her. But, it didn't happen that way. She looked around the mess hall, going over the events in her mind. Finally she went back up to her quarters and worked on her report.

The next day started early, with Tali and Garrus joining her to recruit Thane. As predicted, they had time left over to shop around Illium, and Garrus helped her navigate the vendors and help her order new armor pieces. She felt a little uncomfortable at first, not wanting to grab his arm as she used to. She didn't want him to think she was going to keep trying to get him. He didn't change his demeanor, as he put his arm around her, and held her by the hand a few times, just like he always did.

Back on the Normandy, she went by Thane's quarters to check in and get to know her newest crew member. He was interesting, she'd never worked with a drell before. He was very forthright about his philosophy and his history, and non-apologetic, which she found refreshing. As she sat and listened to him talk and answer her questions, she was struck by how unfair it was that he was dying from an incurable disease, when he was obviously such a deep spirit and thoughtful person.

The next morning she got ready to go to Bekenstein with Kasumi. She was barely dressed when Garrus messaged her on her omni-tool.

 _"_ _Jane – I need to talk to you, it's important."_

"Sure Garrus, I'm on my way." She pursed her lips and let out a short breath. Whenever he used her first name, it always caught her attention. She put on her heels and took the elevator down. She barely registered the admiring looks and comments from the crew in the mess hall as she passed them in the leather dress Kasumi had gotten her. She opened Garrus' door.

"What is it?" she said breathlessly as the door closed behind her.

He swirled around, "I've gotten word about Sidonis, the guy who betrayed my team. He's somewhere on the Citadel. He was seen with a specialist called Fade who helps people disappear."

She folded her arms, "What do you plan on doing when you find him?"

"You people have a saying, 'An eye for an eye, a life for a life,' he owes me ten, and I plan to collect."

She raised her eyebrows, "You sure that's how you want to play it?"

"I'm sure. I don't need you to agree with me, but I'd like your help."

She shook her head, "I'm not saying I disagree with you, Garrus. I'm just trying to figure out your plan. If someone took all of you guys out, hell, even just one of you, I'd be out for blood too."

"Good. Thanks, Jane."

"Where do we find Fade?"

"I've arranged a meeting. We'll meet him in a warehouse near by the neon markets down in Zakara ward. I made it for late tonight, figured we can still make it after your mission this morning. I know it's short notice-"

She waived him off, "Not a problem. I'll make sure we're back by afternoon."

He looked relieved, "Thanks, I appreciate you making the time."

Then he looked at her, confused.

"What? What is it?"

He pointed, "Is that what you're wearing on the mission?"

She looked down, "It's a cocktail party. You have to dress up to fit in. Does it look alright? I mean, it's not my usual, but I thought it looked pretty good."

"No, yeah, yeah. It looks great, you look great. Beautiful. Your hair looks good down like that too."

"Really?" she brushed a long curly lock over her shoulder. "Well, don't worry. I won't let Hock sweep me off my feet." She turned to go.

"You may be sweeping him off his feet – be careful."

She looked over her shoulder and grinned as she left.

It was an intense mission, complicated by their cover being blown and Hock chasing them through his compound. They were successful in taking Keji's greybox. Safe in Kasumi's possession, Shepard watched on the shuttle as she eagerly starting going through his memories.

She thought wistfully how she longed for a close relationship like that. Seemed like it was always out of reach, her job always getting in the way. _I feel like a Justicar – married to my mission,_ she mused.

Back on the Normandy, she changed quickly, and messaged Garrus. They met in the mess hall and ate, Joker already setting a course for the Citadel.

"We should make it in time. I was worried we'd be late when we had to fight our way out of Hock's place."

"I wish you'd brought me on that mission." Garrus grumbled.

"Allison Gunn doesn't have a Turian side-kick."

"Oh, but Commander Shepard does?"

She pulled the fork out of her mouth, "Yup."

He laughed, "So I've been reduced to your side-kick now, huh?"

"No, I'd say you've been elevated to side-kick."

He guffawed, Shepard grinning in return.

They were soon back to business, and with Zaheed on the mission as requested by Garrus, they made their way to Sidonis. Garrus took him out, clean and simple. Shepard could tell he was nervous about her reaction to his decision to execute him. She reassured him, thinking about how she would personally reach in and take the spine out of any creature that would take him away from her, let alone 10 of her team members.

It was a late, emotional night, and they all turned in when they got back on ship. Shepard messaged Miranda to order shore leave on the Citadel the next day. They had gone at it pretty hard lately, and she didn't want the crew to burn out. Particularly Garrus.

The next morning she was up early, eating in the largely empty mess hall. Thane entered and stopped by her table, making small talk.

"You have any plans for today in particular, Shepard?"

She scrunched up her nose, "Um, I'm pretty caught up in my work. I think I'm just going to walk around and have lunch, nothing in particular. I'm always looking for new mods. I'll probably go by a few vendors and check it out. And you?"

"I have no plans. I would be pleased to accompany you, if you would allow it. I know some out-of-the-way vendors that you might find interesting."

"Oh," she was surprised, "um, sure. That would be great."

He smiled, "What time would you like to leave?"

"I'd be ready in say, 20 minutes?"

"I'll meet you by the docking bay door then." He got up and bowed slightly and left.

"Hm," she said, eating another piece of bread. It would be an intriguing morning with him, she was sure.

At the appointed time, she met him waiting for her and let Joker know she was leaving the ship. They spent the morning walking around the Citadel, conversing on a variety of subjects. Thane told her about his wife, his child. She could tell it was painful for him to talk about, and was surprised he was so personal with her so soon. _Maybe that's a drell thing,_ she wondered. They ate lunch at a nice, informal restaurant, and she was happy to forget for a moment about the weight of the mission on her. He found a few vendors she didn't know about, and was excited to buy a new pistol mod she'd never seen before.

Back on the Normandy that morning, Garrus was puzzled Shepard wasn't in the mess hall eating. He passed through to the elevator and went to talk to Joker.

They finalized their plans for poker that night in Samara's quarters. As he left, he asked him, "By the way, have you seen Shepard?"

"Yeah, she left with Thane early this morning." He turned and adjusted his cap.

"Thane?"

"Yup." He turned back around to his console.

 _Thane._ Garrus tried to process this information.

Out on the Citadel, Shepard checked her omni-tool, "Damn, I didn't know it was that late! I've got to get back."

"I apologize if I have kept you from your work."

"No, that's not it at all. I'm going to the poker game tonight. Samara is letting us use her quarters. You coming?"

"I did hear something about it. I don't know how to play, but I would like to attend."

"Great. It's at 11:00 hours. Kasumi's bringing drinks." Shepard said.

"Kasumi?"

"Yeah, she's got a full bar in her room, but it's too small for all the crew to be in there. She's got lots of stuff she can bring over." She pointed at a cab stand. "We'd better go."

They made their way back, and walked into the Normandy laughing over a joke Thane made. They parted ways after the elevator ride and Shepard made her way up to her quarters. She changed into casual clothes, cargo pants, a loose top. She thought about what Garrus had told her and took her hair out of its bun, letting it flow down her back. She smiled at her reflection. It had been fun being out with Thane, someone different. She was fascinated by his race, his culture. Maybe next shore leave, she'd ask Grunt to go out with her. That would be an interesting day, for sure.

She stayed in her quarters, doing some research for the next mission. Her omni-tool alarmed and she went down to Samara's quarters. Joker and Jacob were getting the cards set up when Kasumi walked in with bottles.

"Help me out, Shep."

She grabbed some of them and put them over on the makeshift bar they'd set up. The door opened and Tali came in.

"I've never played poker, but I thought I'd come anyway."

"Come and get a drink, Tali." Kasumi poured her one and handed it to her. "Oh, wait," she plopped a straw in it and handed it back to her.

A few more crew joined and a game started. "Come on, Commander. We can deal you in." Joker gestured for her to join them.

"In a minute."

"Hey, let us have a chance to win first, Joker. She's a card shark." Donnelly said.

Shepard smiled and took her drink to sit with Tali.

"Heard from Kal Reeger, yet?"

"A few times."

"Oh, really? Is he sending you love poems?"

"Shepard, come on."

"Well, do you think he's interested in you?"

"Yes, definitely. He's trying to make plans to meet me next time we're on shore leave."

"Wow, that's great."

Tali took a sip on her straw, "He couldn't meet me on the Citadel today, he's too far away, but next time we're on Illium, he'll be able to make it."

"It's really working out for you, then. I'm glad."

"He's a great guy. He saved me on Haestrom, for sure. I've never met anyone like him, loyal, nice, funny and smart. I can't believe he's interested in me."

Shepard made a face, "Why wouldn't he be interested in you? Don't sell yourself short, Tali. You've got a lot to offer. You're fantastic. He's lucky to have you."

"It's hard when I'm always off somewhere else, but he understands how important this mission is. I think he'd try to join us if he was completely done with his medical treatment."

Shepard nodded and they turned as cheers went up at the game and Joker threw his cards on the table.

"So," Tali turned her attention back to Shepard, "How's it going with Garrus? Back to normal?"

She sighed, "Yea, pretty much. I guess I can say that at least I'm not wondering about it anymore. I know he's not interested so I can move on. He's still my best friend, so I'm glad I didn't ruin that."

"Could you have really ruined that just by letting him know you were romantically interested in him? I'm confused."

"Yea, definitely. You can make it awkward. Maybe it's a Turian thing, keeping feelings separate from the job, from friendships. That must be it."

Thane came in and scanned the room, walking over to Shepard and sitting next to her on the couch.

"I enjoyed our time out on the Citadel today."

"Me too. Oh – there's drinks up there."

Thane got up and poured himself a drink.

"Hmm, what's that all about?" Tali teased her.

"What, Thane? Nothing, nothing at all. We just went out on shore leave today. He helped me get mods."

"You usually do that with Garrus, don't you?"

"Not always. Look, I don't feel that way about him. I find his species interesting, and he's good company."

"That's a good start. I mean, why not?"

Shepard rolled her eyes and Thane sat down next to her. Tali held up her glass, "A toast,"

They sat forward and held their glasses up, "To what?" Shepard asked.

She looked pointedly at her, "To moving on."


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard shot Tali a look and clinked her glass to theirs. As she drank, she spotted Garrus coming in. She gave him a little wave and watched as he sat with the group playing poker.

She talked with Tali and Thane, who was asking questions about Tali's flotilla and her envirosuit. Shepard got up to refill her drink, and turned to see Thane had gotten up and was doing the same.

"I am surprised to see you drink dextro whiskey. That doesn't make you sick?"

She shook her head, "No, since my Cerberus rebuild, I've been able to eat both. Actually, I kind of prefer the dextro food. For some reason it tastes better."

Garrus leaned over to Joker as Jacob shuffled the cards for the next hand. "So, what's going on with those two?"

Joker looked up to where he was pointing. "Thane and Shepard? I don't know. They looked pretty chummy today when they came back from shore leave."

"They look pretty chummy now, as well." Garrus grumbled.

A few more of the crew showed up, and the room started getting crowded. Shepard finished her drink, then took another. She glanced over at Garrus a few times, and saw he was pretty engrossed in the game.

"Um, you'll have to excuse me, Thane. I'd like to play a few hands while there are still credits to be won."

He bowed and watched her walk towards the group before turning to talk to Samara and Tali.

She leaned on Joker's shoulder, "Ready to deal me in?"

"I might as well turn in right now." Donnelly moaned.

"Giving in that quickly?" Jacob looked at him with reproach.

"Hey, she skunked me in Skyllian five. I've never played with anyone that good."

Joker scooted over to give her a place to sit, but she moved around him by Garrus, "I'll squeeze in here, if that's alright with you."

"Fine by me," Garrus said and moved over.

She won every hand after that, over Joker's groans, Garrus' chuckling, and Donnelly's protestations of 'I told you so.'

She got up, "Well, I'd better leave and give you other guys a chance." She started towards the bar, when she felt Garrus' hand on her arm, "I'll come with you."

They walked around the group and up to the end of the bar where it was quieter.

"Nice of Samara to let us use this room," Garrus remarked.

Shepard poured them each a drink, "Yeah, where is she?"

Garrus looked around, "Sitting on the couch with Thane. They look pretty deep in conversation."

"Oh?" Shepard strained to see, "Yea, they do." She took a drink and looked happily at Garrus. No matter how much Tali talked about 'moving on', she just couldn't see herself with anyone else. She sighed, too bad he didn't feel the same way.

"What's his deal?" Garrus asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, he talks a lot to everyone, what's he trying to do?"

Shepard crinkled up her nose, "Well, he seems fascinated by different species. He was asking me a lot about human customs today, and asking Tali about the flotilla and stuff. He probably has never talked to a Justicar. He's like a meditative, wisdom-type thinker guy."

Garrus made a face, "That's how you put it?"

"After this many drinks, that's the best you're going to get. Anyway, he just seems curious about everything."

"Looks like he's getting cozy with Samara."

"Well, he's got a fatal disease that's going to kill him in the next year or so. He's probably looking for a last chance of love and comfort, you know? I don't blame the guy."

Garrus mulled that over. He'd heard Thane was sick, but didn't know it was that serious. He turned his attention back to her.

"So, you don't see issues with different species being together?"

She frowned and said forcefully, "No. Not at all. I mean, if two people care for each other and they can make it work logistically, why the hell not?"

Garrus nodded, "But that's only in theory. For you I mean."

Shepard put her drink down, irritated, "What's that supposed to mean? I've had a Turian boyfriend before."

"You what?" Garrus was stunned.

"Yea. When I was a cadet on the Alliance training base. My last semester, we had a Turian instructor for our combat class. At first we hated each other, but I learned where he was coming from, his drive, his demanding nature, plus he was funny, and handsome," she thought back wistfully, "Anyway, we had a relationship for a few months. Once I graduated, that was the end of it, though. I was assigned to different ships, and I never saw him again."

"The Alliance allowed that?"

"Hell no. We had to be meticulous keeping it under wraps. We both would have been severely punished or kicked out if anyone found out. He was my instructor, after all. No one ever found out, though. It helped that my roommate left after the first month. We also met far away from the base when I had time off. Anyway, the point is, we made it work, it wasn't that big of a deal, and it was actually pretty great." She took a long drink. "You know, you're the first person I've ever told that to. Don't spread it around. Somehow I still feel like I'm protecting his career."

He nodded. He'd actually asked her about different species trying to gauge her interest in Thane, but hearing this about her had been a total surprise. Ever since that day he'd rebuffed her, a small part of him had regretted it. It had been so shocking when she'd kissed him, he'd reacted quickly. He'd never thought about being with a human intimately, especially someone so close to him. As they continued their friendship, he found himself thinking about it more and more, wondering if he could do it. He'd even researched it on the extranet. Thane's apparent interest in her had forced his hand. He had to decide either he had changed his mind, or leave things as they were. That small part of him that regretting telling her no was growing larger by the day. He looked down at her, smiling sloppily at him. He leaned over and put a piece of hair back over her shoulder.

"I see you're wearing it down tonight." He said quietly.

"Well, a very important friend of mine told me it looks good this way."

"Hmm. And who are you trying to look good for?"

She picked up her drink and swished it around, "I suppose anyone who thinks I might be looking good."

"Just anyone?" he pressed.

She looked up at him, puzzled he was bantering with her this way. "I guess if you have to nail me down, it's not really anyone." She pushed back from the bar and stood up. "I'm going, it's late and I've drank way more than I usually do."

He stood up as well, "Let me walk you back to your quarters."

She waved him off, "No, no. I don't want an awkward scene by my bedroom door. I've had enough of that." She reached over and squeezed his hand, "Good spending time with you, Garrus. I'll see you tomorrow." And she turned and left. Garrus leaned back against the bar and watched to see if Thane was going to try and follow her, but he didn't, continuing his in-depth conversation with Samara.

He was reeling from her revelation. She'd been in an intimate relationship with a Turian before, he couldn't believe it. And for her to pursue that with an instructor in the Alliance, she must have really cared for him, because they were both risking their careers. Somehow, it made him even more interested in her, because it meant she wasn't just looking for a thrill, something different. She'd done this before. And if she was just looking for someone to keep her from being lonely, she could easily have turned to Thane.

He sat down and finished his drink. He finally felt like he had come to his senses, but didn't know if it was too late. How could he handle this in a way that wouldn't be insulting to her or push her away?

The next day, he decided definitely needed advice from someone who knew her well. He started with Dr. Chakwas, she was a doctor, after all. After stammering in medbay, he finally left without actually asking her anything. This was going to be harder than he thought. He considered who else he might ask, and found himself down in engineering, pulling Tali aside.

"I have to talk to you about Shepard." He started.

"What about?"

"Look, it's a long story, but basically, she wanted to, well, be in a more intimate relationship with me, and I rejected her."

"Uh-huh." Tali said.

"You don't seem surprised."

"That's because she told me about it."

"She did? What did she say?" Garrus said excitedly.

"I – you know, I really shouldn't be talking about it. She told me in confidence, and I just can't betray her trust." Tali started to walk away.

"Wait, wait!" Garrus hushed his voice when he noticed the other engineers looking at them. "I'm trying to make it better, to talk her about it-"

Tali wasn't having any of it, "No," she said firmly. "I can't, I'm sorry. You need to talk to her."

"But that's just it," Garrus said dejectedly, "I don't know how."

Tali continued to shake her head no and walk back to her console. Frustrated, Garrus shook his head and walked back to the elevator. He thought about who else to consult. Most everyone else was too new or didn't know them well enough. He wished Liara was there, she'd be the perfect person to go to for advice. The only one left was, well, Joker.

"Spirits, I think I'm going to have to talk to him." At least then, he'd also get a male perspective.

Taking a deep breath, he made his way to the cockpit and sat next to Joker.

"What's up, big guy?"

"I have to ask you a personal question."

"I'm not a 'personal question' kind of guy."

"I know, I'm just, well, I'm desperate." Garrus looked down at his hands.

"Well, when you flatter me that way, how can I refuse?"

"I'm serious Joker, I need some advice."

He held up his hands, "Okay, I get it." He pushed a few buttons and turned to Garrus. "That turns off EDI in this room temporarily. So shoot. What do you need advice on?"

"On Shepard."

"Okay."

"She uh, made a pass at me a few weeks ago, and I rejected her."

"NO way! Are you serious!" Joker was suddenly very interested in this situation.

"Yes," Garrus hissed, "And don't tell anybody."

"Yeah, yeah, I promise. So you rejected her huh?"

Garrus leaned back and rubbed his forehead plate with the heal of his palm. "Unfortunately, yes. I've regretted it ever since. I was just so surprised, you know? I never thought about being with a human intimately."

"Wow." Joker made a face, "Is it even possible?"

"Of course. I've never done it, but it's possible."

"Okay, go on. You told her you weren't interested, but now you are?"

"Exactly. I want to tell her I've changed my mind, but I don't know how to do it. That's what I need advice on. I can't go to her and say, 'At first I was really freaked out about the idea, but now it's grown on me, and I think I want to try.' I need help."

"You sure do. You definitely can't say anything like that. Well, let me think about this. You're definitely sure you find her attractive, can see yourself doing the deed with her?"

"Spirits, yes, Joker, or else I wouldn't be humiliating myself asking you about it."

"Hey, I'm just asking, because the last thing you want to do is start getting hot and heavy with her, and then giving her a look of 'Ew' when she takes her clothes off or starts to kiss you."

"She did kiss me in my quarters, on my cheek."

"Really! Well, aren't you the man."

Garrus shot him a look.

"Okay, okay, being serious now. I would suggest, honestly, doing research on the extranet – real research, not porn, that's not realistic, take my word on that. And, trying to court her."

"Trying to what?"

"You know, like gain her favor, date her, get her to fall in love with you while you are showing her how you feel. Like, spending more time with her, and I don't mean work stuff."

"You mean like going out to eat, stuff like that?"

"Yea, and maybe 'Meet me for a drink down in Kasumi's bar', you know Kasumi leaves it open for the crew. She spends most of her time watching Jacob cloaked in his quarters."

"No, I didn't know that."

"Oh yea, it's the worst kept secret on the ship. Anyhoo, also – oh, have dinner together in her quarters. Or watch a vid in her quarters. That's a good one too."

"But she would have to invite me up there."

"True, but you could suggest it, and see if she agrees."

"Yes, I see what you mean. Those are good suggestions. Thanks Joker," he patted him on the back, "I should have come to you first."

Joker frowned, "You mean I wasn't your first choice?"

Garrus looked behind him as he walked away, "I told you I was desperate."

"Geez. I'll be your first choice from now on then, won't I?"

"We'll see how it works out." He called back as he walked down the walkway towards the CIC.


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next week, Garrus took Joker's advice. He was especially attentive to Shepard, attempting to show her how much he cared about her in a more personal way. If she noticed a difference, she didn't say. He knew he had to keep on the same path if he had any chance of talking to her about it, and maybe convincing her to give him a second chance. She was definitely not with Thane, that he knew. It was true, the guy was committed to his meditations and had just been interested in the different crew. If anyone caught his eye, it was Samara, and a more tragic relationship couldn't have been imagined, so they wisely keep things on a friendly level.

He had finally gotten brave enough to ask for a sort of date. They'd finished the mission on the Migrant Fleet to help Tali, and had some shore leave time starting that night. He was waiting outside Miranda's office, where Shepard was giving her a debrief. He couldn't help but laugh to himself, remembering how Kaidan used to stand outside her office, waiting for a chance to talk to her. Now he was doing the same thing. "Hopefully I'll have better luck than he did."

The door finally opened and as Shepard walked by, she saw him, "Hey Garrus, you ready for shore leave tonight?"

He leaned off the wall and stepped towards her, "Definitely. I was hoping we could do something together. Do you have plans?"

She put her hands on her hips, "Nope. I thought I might go out. There's some club on Illium Kasumi keeps telling me about," she shrugged, "I suppose I'll check it out."

"Maybe we could do something here. You know, like watch a vid or something?"

She furrowed her brows, "What, do you have vid feed in there? I thought it was just extranet." She pointed towards the forward battery.

He started to feel a bit unsure about this, but pressed on anyway, "No, I mean maybe up in your quarters. You've got a screen, right?"

"Oh," she suddenly realized what he meant, "Yea, yea I do. Sure, I think that's a great idea. How about you give me an hour, and meet me up there. I'll give you the code," she brought up her omni-tool and punched some buttons, "There. We can decide what we're going to watch when you come up."

"Okay, great." Garrus was hopeful.

An hour later he was at her door. He entered the code, and came in to find her pushing the button on the panel to bring the vidscreen down across from her couch.

"Hey, right on time, as usual."

He leaned against the fish tank, "As any good Turian would be."

"What's that?"

He looked down at the box in his hand, "Oh, that's some snacks I put together. I figured you'd have drinks."

She nodded. They sat on the couch and watched an action vid, eating snacks and drinking water.

"I'm not drinking any more liquor for a while, not after that poker night. I had a headache the whole next day."

He looked over at her, "You used to be able to drink Wrex under the table. What happened?"

"Since Cerberus rebuilt me, things are different. Somethings even they can't explain."

"It must be hard for you."

"I think the hardest part is how I feel like I let everyone down when they thought I was dead for two years. People move on, change. Yet for me, it's only been a few months. It's like being a ghostly time traveler."

He turned to face her, "Do you remember being dead?"

She shook her head, "I don't think I ever actually was. I remember losing consciousness. Then waking up briefly on a medical bed on the Cerberus base. I think because the planet was frozen, I was in a type of coma. I do know the work they did on me was extensive. I saw the laboratory notes on the station. I try not to think about it too much."

"I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, actually, you're one of the few people I can talk to about it. No, I just mean I try not to dwell on it. It's too bizarre. I just focus on keeping healthy, the mission, and trying to maintain my relationships as best I can. I try to strike a balance. I wasn't like that on the SR1."

He nodded.

She looked at him critically, "What about you? You never talk about what it was like, me being declared dead for two years, then finding out I was alive."

Garrus looked down at the floor. "It was the worst time of my life. I felt like my heart had been ripped out. The grief was so overwhelming, I changed my life completely. I decided to try to honor your memory by putting together a team like you did, but you know how that ended up."

She was struck by the strength of his emotion. She could feel his pain. "That's what I mean. I feel responsible for so much anguish, so much hurt and anger."

He snapped his head up, "That's nonsense. Your fight to live and survive, your strength is the only reason you're still here now. Yes, Cerberus performed a medical miracle, but without your will, it wouldn't have worked." His voice became passionate as he sat forward, "I'd go through a thousand more days of pain if it meant I could see you again, have you back here with me, if only for a moment."

She was speechless. The tension in the air between them was palpable. She looked down and finally said, "I'm glad you were honest enough to tell me that. Everyone else tiptoes around the subject."

"It was a horrible time in my life, for all of us, but it makes me treasure the time with you now all the more." He put his hand on her leg. She put her hand over his and smiled weakly.

Her omni-tool lit up. It was Admiral Hackett. "I have to take this Garrus."

"Sure. It's getting late. I'll see you in the morning, Jane."

She walked with him to the door. He turned towards her and gave her a quick, strong hug before leaving. Shepard took a deep breath and turned her screen on from her desk computer. Hackett's face flickered across the wide glass.

"Commander, thank you for your time. I'll keep this brief…"

The next days brought the continuation of the mission, and helping her crew members. Miranda's sister was rescued, Liara tracked down the Shadow Broker and became it, as well. She took Garrus on every mission, alternating other crew members. She could feel the intensity of their missions growing exponentially. She was grateful for the caliber of her crew, supporting her and dedicating themselves to fighting the enemy.

After a particularly grueling mission, she was up in her quarters, tiredly taking her armor off. She could barely get her underarmor off. In her shower, she sat on the floor, letting the water and steam wash away the sweat, the dirt, the day. Her hair hung down in watery dark ropes around her face. She moved to let the water pulse on her back in an attempt to loosen the knots in her muscles. After what seemed an eternity, she stood up and shampooed and soaped off, turning off the water. She grabbed a towel and watched her reflection as she dried herself off. She could see her implant lines glowing a little brighter, which they did when her body temperature was up. She wrapped her robe around her and scrunched her hair dry. As the bathroom door whooshed open, she stopped with a start. There was a bouquet of flowers on her desk that hadn't been there before. Puzzled, she reached out and touched a few petals. "Pretty. I wonder who's been in here." The blooms were a mix of red and orange. "Someone who knows I don't like pink." She smelled them and checked her computer for messages. None. She checked her omni-tool. There was one there.

 _"_ _Happy Birthday, Jane. Come to my quarters when you get a chance, I've got a surprise for you."_ It was from Garrus.

"Birthday?" she checked her omni-tool for the date. He was right. She'd totally forgotten about it. "I guess I've got two birthdays I've missed, too." She lightly touched the petal of one of the flowers. This was certainly a surprise. And he said there was another one downstairs? She mustered the remaining energy she had left and got dressed. Soon she was outside his door.

"Jane, I know it's late, but I didn't want you to think I forgot."

She walked in to see he had moved some crates and set up a cake for her. "This is so nice of you, Garrus. I had completely forgotten about my birthday." She smiled up at him as she sat down in front of the crate.

"It's dextro, so we can both eat it."

"Really? Do Turians celebrate birthdays as well?"

"Of course. Not usually with cake, but I've done my research," he was touched to see she had taken one of the blooms and put it in her hair.

"Those flowers are beautiful, thank you. I can't remember the last time I ever got any." She picked up the knife and looked at the small cake. "Can I go ahead and cut it?"

"Don't you have to make a wish first?"

"Oh, you read about that, huh? That's if you have a candle in it to blow out. You make a wish, but you can't tell anyone, or it won't come true."

Garrus looked disappointed, "Damn, I didn't know, I would have gotten one."

She laughed, "Don't worry about it, this is fantastic. I'll make a wish anyway, then cut the cake."

"Do I get to make a wish as well?"

"Um, sure, why not." She closed her eyes and opened them with a smile and cut two pieces of cake.

He reached for a slice, and she stopped him, "No, whoever's birthday it is gets the first slice."

He smirked, "There are a lot of rules with human birthdays."

"More like a lot of traditions. It makes things fun." She handed him the second slice. "I can't wait to try it." She took a bite. It was delicious, not too sweet, very similar to amino cake.

"How is it?" he asked.

"Wonderful. Where did you get it?"

"Oh, I've got my sources."

She looked across the crate at him, "You've been planning this for a while, haven't you?"

He nodded.

She continued to eat her cake and give him admiring glances. He was the best thing in her life, the best thing that ever happened to her.

"So what was your wish?" she asked him.

"No, you said it wouldn't come true if you told anyone."

"Damn, thought you'd missed that part."

"I don't miss much, Jane. Well, that's not entirely true. I completely missed you having feelings for me."

She slowly chewed her bite of cake, "I know. That's all in the past now though." She took a drink of water. "Like the flower in my hair?"

"Yes. It's beautiful. You're beautiful."

She let out a small grunt of frustration. "Thanks, Garrus." This was the first time he'd brought up that night she kissed him. She wished he had just let it go, like she was trying to do.

"Is it really, Jane? In the past?"

"What?"

"Your feelings for me?"

She put the fork down, "Why are we discussing this now, Garrus? We were having a nice time, it's my birthday, we're over that." she put her head in her hands.

He reached out for her arm, and worked his hand up to hers. "I'm not over that."

She huffed, "I apologized a long time ago. If you are still put off it, I don't know what else to do."

"No, wait-"

"No, listen to me. I've worked really hard since then to keep things like they were before. I thought our relationship, our friendship, was strong enough to overlook what I did that day." She stood up. She shook her head vigorously and put her hands on her hips.

"Don't think this hasn't been hard for me, to stuff my feelings down and pretend like they're not there." She looked down at his shocked face and felt tears forming in her eyes.

He jumped up, stammering, but she was at the door in a flash and walking down the hallway. He stood in the open doorway and yelled out to her, "Hey, Jane, come back!"

She continued to walk furiously.

"I changed my mind. I do want to be in a relationship with you." He called out.

She froze. She turned and squinted her eyes at him, "What did you say?"

He leaned against his doorway and said calmly, "I said I changed my mind and I do want to have a relationship with you."

She stared at him. "Get inside." And she pointed in his quarters. He turned and went in as she was fast behind him, closing the door.

She folded her arms, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I wasn't expecting you to get so angry, please just hear me out."

"Is this some kind of joke? Because I'm seriously pissed off."

"I'm not joking, I'm being honest. I thought about it more, and I love you, I want to be with you."

She blinked at him, unbelieving what she was hearing, trying to process this shift.

He started to pace nervously. "When you kissed me that night, I was really put off by being with a human, I mean, I've never thought of one romantically. That's why I told you no. But, over time, I kept thinking about it, thinking about you, and I came around to the idea." He looked at her frowning face and realized he just said everything wrong. "Dammit, I'm messing this all up. The bottom line is, I can't stop thinking about you, I treasure you, and I'm hoping you'll give me a second chance." He held his breath, hoping that was better than his previous speech.

She turned around and walked over to a side crate and sat on it. "Let me get this straight. You're saying that when I made a pass at you, you were grossed out, had never thought about me, a human, in that way. Right?"

Garrus groaned, "Yes."

"But you've been thinking about it ever since, and did some research on the extranet – what, about human-Turian relations?"

Garrus moaned, "Yes."

"And now you think the idea is acceptable to you."

"Well, technically, that's all true." He looked down at the floor. "But there's more to it,"

"So all this lately has been you trying to – win me over?"

He said with frustration, "Yes. I got some advice, and tried to show you I was sincere in my attempt to get you back."

She stood up and walked quickly over to him. She looked at him intently and as she had months ago, reached up and put her hands around his face and kissed his cheek. This time he reached around and pulled her waist in closer to him. She put her chin on his shoulder, and he moved his hands up her back and snuggled into her hair.

"Jane, please forgive me."

"For being honest? I can't fault you for that."

"No, for being blind and stupid. And thank you for allowing me the opportunity to show you how much I truly love and adore you." He squeezed her tighter, then pulled back and leaned down and kissed her. She returned with her soft lips and held onto his shoulders.


End file.
